Always, Victoria

October 26th, 2009

Thursday, July 21, 1864

Dear Diary, Union troops have been marching through Georgia now for what seems like an eternity. Nobody ever dreamed that General Sherman would get this far south. Will he ever stop? Will this madness ever end? The south is destroyed. Once beautiful Dixie is now a land of ugliness, ruin, and death. The very town I grew up in is being burnt down right in front of my eyes. I can not blame the Yankees or even their President Lincoln. Both sides were a little too proud and determined to compromise. Now the desvestation and bloodshed, like the fires below, are out of control. Another cannon just went off. Will those dreadful things ever cease to scare me to death? It has been most difficult just trying to survive. I do not mind not having decent food and water. I can well overcome all the pain and danger that surrounds me. I can even endure not knowing what horror will happen next. What I worry about is my Nick. If things are so bad here, what must he be going through fighting up North? It has been almost three months since I have received any word, and I am sick with fear. Is Nick all right? Will he ever come home? I was so proud of him when he signed up with Jeb Stuart's cavalry. Nick was so brave and handsome in his new uniform. He was "Going to send those softie Yanks crying home to their Mama's" and be back in a few weeks. That was over three years ago. Three long, painful years. I wish I had never let him go. I am not concerned about winning or losing. I no longer care about our southern pride, welfare, and traditions. I just want my husband back. I suppose my attitude is selfish, but I can not help myself. I can well imagine that Mrs. Lee, even Mrs. Grant and everyone else with loved ones away at battle, feels the same way I do. There is nobody to really blame for this war, but everyone seems to be suffering because of it.

Oh Nick, if only these cold, sleepless nights were not without a dawn. What I would not give if these rivers of tears could wash away all the danger and destruction. How I wish endless fear and terror had a little mercy on us all. I miss you terribly, I worry about you constantly, I love you always.